Wednesday 22 January 2014

Being Open to Therapy


One aspect of treatment and recovery that I will undoubtedly struggle with will be talk- and psycho-therapy, building a trusting relationship with a counsellor, and opening up honestly about my emotions and frustrations.

I am not sure why I have not ever been able to have a successful relationship with a counsellor, but I am sure it was probably to do with my own attitudes and not any incompetence on the counsellors part.

Today was one of my first positive experiences with a counsellor, and it is because it was the first time I walked in to the session with an open mind and a positive attitude. Recognizing myself as my own worst enemy has helped me in so many ways as of late, even in situations where I didn't realize that I was limiting myself and my opportunities.

Because Christine (the counsellor I saw today) won't be my "full time" counsellor, I was just referred to her by my doctor to talk to before heading back to school, my goal from our session today was basically to acquire some more tools and coping methods to get me back in to class and to generally take control of my mind in order to control my moods.

It was nice to hear that Christine felt that the readings and practices I've been applying for myself are all productive and effective ways of dealing with anxiety. We discussed how I will specifically apply those methods when I return to school, and when I am met with one of my "earth-shattering tragedies".


My three main focal points right now, as far as my mental health is concerned, are my anxiety about school and failure; my tendency to awfulize and victimize; and my lack of self-confidence.

The techniques that we study in cognitive behavioural therapy can help squash anxiety, depression, and problems with self-esteem. In fact, understanding the link between our thoughts, our behaviour, and our emotions can help gain at least some control over most mental illnesses. That link between thoughts, behaviours, and emotions is the link that provides the general basis for all of CBT and one that, once taken advantage of, can change your life.


The model above is one that I need to constantly remind myself of, especially when I'm anxious or awfulizing. Isn't it so refreshing to know that by taking control of your thoughts and behaviour, your feelings will quickly change too?? Recovery is looking easier and easier every second! 

The thing about CBT is that while it is a *simple* process, it is by no means an *easy* one. The act of changing our thinking is actually quite difficult and takes a lot of practice and education. That is why it is so important to be open to therapy, honest with your counsellor, honest with yourself, and most importantly: WILLING TO LET YOURSELF GET WELL. 


Here is a short youtube video that offers a simple overview of what CBT is all about… (the audio quality is not the greatest but certainly still coherent) 


Here are links to the two work books that Christine recommended I use as part of my self-help approach.

Amazon: Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel By Changing The Way You Think
 - Christine Padesky & Dennis Greenberger

Amazon: The Anxiety And Phobia Workbook
 - Edmund J. Bourne

Christine also recommended I try guided visualization a few times a week to keep my anxiety to a minimum in my daily routine. I haven't had the best success with yoga, meditation, guided visualization or relaxation in the past but I also haven't ever been open to it! I will link to any audio clips that I do use when I give it a try and of course let you know how it goes! (you…being me…since nobody else reads this….whatevs)

I am exhausted after these last two days but extremely proud of myself. I'm hoping that my posts on here can become a little more focussed and relevant… I am just overcome with new knowledge and positivity recently :) Tomorrow I want to write about mental illness in relationships, as I feel that mine has been struggling under the pressure of my depression and anxiety. THANK GOD my boyfriend is an absolute gem <3


SMILES,

SJ





Focus

I think one of the main things we need to be continually reminding ourselves of on our road to recovery is just how imperative it really is to stay focussed on our mental health. It is easy to get frustrated and give up, to start feeling better and stop working at the strategies we've acquired, or to get overwhelmed and guide our energies and attention in to the wrong things. We can help ourselves to stay focussed by outlining clear, achievable goals and by creating simple action plans.


My father passed on the 'power of the sticky-note' to me at a young age, and it's a superpower I don't think I could now live without. When I am feeling overwhelmed I make lists. Lists of things I've done, lists of things I have left to do, lists of things I want to do, lists, lists, lists!!!! Sometimes, I make lists of the lists I've made. They stick up on my desk, fridge, wall, forehead, and they do wonders to keep me focussed. For whatever reason, being able to lay out all of my tasks before me and break up the big scary things in to smaller, simpler steps reduces my anxiety greatly. 

Remembering to keep it simple, make a list of all the things you want to accomplish today, however minor they may seem. Make sure to include the daily things such as showering, making and eating lunch, folding laundry, etc. because these tasks are just as important as anything else you do today. Remember that! AND ALWAYS REWARD YOURSELF. 

I want you to think of yourself as an arrow. You are sharp and you are powerful, but life is dragging you back with difficulties. You need to remember that every time the universe draws you back, it is preparing to launch you in to something great…so just focus and keep aiming. 



What do you want to accomplish today? 




Tuesday 21 January 2014

Reflection

Looking back on today...this is the best and most productive day I've had in a long while. 

I stayed focused, rewarded myself for my accomplishments, and was grateful for the little things. 

I've arranged two different appointments with two different counsellors, spoken to my doc, upped my dosage of celexa from 20 mg to 40 mg, took my medication for the 4th day in a row, had blood work done to try to figure out some other physical issues I've been dealing with, been referred to a psychiatrist, arranged to return to class next week, spent time with my mom, had dinner with my dad, caught up with my best friend, and made quite a few posts on here. 

These accomplishments may seem minor but for me they are huge. I am proud of myself. I'm exhausted and I'm scared but I made it through my day one and I've done more for myself today than I have in the last month. 

Speaking with my best friend earlier (who plays a major role in my support system), we discussed how awesome it is that the universe responds so quickly to your positive energy. Almost immediately after we both decided to take that step in a new direction, make personal changes, and help ourselves, the universe sent good things and good fortune our way. It's a secret power that few of us understand, but all of us possess. That kind of "fake quantum physics" may not be everybody's cup of tea, but the best thing about it is that all it requires you to do is learn how to think positively and send positive messages into the universe. When I need practice doing this, I pick up my copy of "The Secret" and read some of my favourite ideas from the great thinkers interviewed in that book. 

I'm going to end this post because it probably makes no sense, I am exhausted, and I didn't have much to say besides a brief recap of my accomplishments today. Now I'm going to reward myself with some melon, Netflix, and cuddles with this ole boy... 


Goodnight from the both of us! 

SMILES, 

SJ 

All The Best People Are


In my recent exposure to this wonderful world of blogging, I've come across too many amazing blogs to even keep up with. I'm not lying when I say that my eyes hurt from the extra hours I've put in on my MacBook and iPhone lately pouring over blogs. I find the ones that I have become most wrapped up in are, for the most part, penned by other women struggling with mental illness (shocker! I know). Teachers, students, mothers, daughters, seniors, teens, women of all shapes, sizes, ages, and co-ordinates have taken to the world of blogging to help cope with the hardships of mental illness. 

I understand that depression, like any disease, passes no judgement on who his next victim will be. I know that anybody can be affected by mental illness. Yet, somehow, there has always been something very distinct about every person I have encountered who struggles with it. 

I believe, very firmly, that while depression can be an awful load to bear, it also helps make us better, stronger people. Your ability to feel compassion, empathy, and sympathy for others will improve, your sensitivity to struggle will help you help others, and you will come out a stronger person for it. I believe nobody has the potential to be truly, genuinely happy than somebody who has once seen the darkness of depression and broken through to light. 

You may not have chosen this for yourself, but you must live with it. Let it challenge you. Only let mental illness knock you down so you can get back up and stand taller.  Come out a stronger person, and use your darkest days as a reminder to take care of yourself, of others, and to enjoy life to the fullest!! 

"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music."      -Anonymous 

You are a special person for what you are going through, and you are getting stronger every day! 

SMILES, 

SJ

Giving Anxiety The Boot


I write this entry from an exam room at my local health clinic. I'm taking advantage of the opportunity to talk to my family GP while I am home (I don't have a doctor in my university town). 

While I sat in the waiting room I was, as usual, struck with anxiety. The uncomfortable situation of having to re-live last weeks crisis over again, the other people in the waiting room who I avoid making eye contact with, and the general atmosphere of the clinic are all contributors, but I quickly turned my thoughts to this entry to take away from the focus of the panic I felt building up inside of me. 

There are a number of strategies that I am going to try to implement into my daily life, as well as some emergency procedures when an attack does happen to strike. While distraction works temporarily in less severe situations, deep breathing seems to be the best way for me to put a stop to panic. 

Studies have shown that the practice of deep breathing relaxation techniques can, in fact, stop anxiety. The physical and psychological affects can be extremely calming when you are in a state of panic. 

Below, I link you to 3 different types of deep breathing techniques as outlined by psych central. It is important that you practice your deep breathing when you are calm too, so that it is easier to do when you are anxious. 

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/07/22/reduce-your-anxiety-this-minute-3-different-types-of-deep-breathing/


What techniques do you use when anxiety strikes? When is your favourite time to practice deep breathing? Have you considered trying yoga and meditation? What was your experience if you have? 

The (other) little things



Today I seem to be sticking to the theme of "less is more"... 

Just like we have to take the time to reward ourselves for accomplishing the little things..it's just as important to take the time to appreciate the little things. 

If we spend our day focussing on being grateful and thankful for the little things that we would normally take for granted, it actually can keep us from spinning into depressive, defeating thoughts when something knocks us off track today. 

This practice is one we can implement from the second we wake up every morning. First, be grateful that you have woken up. Today is a new day, a fresh start, has the potential to be the best day of your life. Second, open your eyes. Be thankful that you have eyes to see all the beautiful things that the world has in store for you today. Take a stretch. Feel your heart pumping blood through your body and be thankful, take in the comfort and coziness of your bed and be thankful you have blankets and a roof to sleep under. Pour yourself a cold glass of water, what a marvelous thing!! Many people don't have the luxury of pouring a crystal clear glass of clean water from their tap every morning...you are lucky! Be thankful! Drink the water, feel it hydrating your body and improving your health. Be thankful for it. Look outside, what is the weather like? Is the sun rising on the horizon? Is the rain feeding our plants and grass and spreading green across the globe? Look at the beautiful way the light shines through the icicles formed on tree branches....there is beauty all around us. It exists for you! How splendid! 

Now...when your friend calls to cancel your lunch plans, are you more or less likely to fall into a pit of self-doubting and -defeating thoughts? It will be much harder telling yourself that everything is awful and bad when you've just spent the morning focussing on how great it all is :) 

Practice feeling good when you aren't feeling bad..appreciate the little things, start a journal where you keep track of all the things you are grateful for throughout your day, thank a friend just for being a friend, go on positive websites such as www.upworthy.com and read uplifting news articles. Think of it as brain exercise, and put aside a little time each day for giving thanks. Soon, you'll be doing it without even noticing. 

Remember - your day is only as bad as you let it be! 


Ending the Stigma


One of the most unfortunate struggles for those of us that suffer from depression and other mental illness is the way that the disease is perceived in society. Often, people are ignorant and uneducated about the facts of mental illness. We've probably all at one point heard something along these lines from ignorant, albeit well-meaning, peers: 

  • "But WHY are you depressed? Your life isn't even bad!" 
  • "Well why don't you just stop being sad, and start being happy?"
  • "You're not depressed, you're just lazy."
  • "How come you're getting anxious? There's nothing to be afraid of!"
It's sad that people who suffer from mental illness seem to be condemned for their disease in a way that a cancer patient or mentally handicapped person never would, but it is the reality. Did you know that 1 in 5 Americans suffer from mental illness? Too many of them suffer in silence because they are afraid or ashamed of depression and anxiety. Nobody should feel ashamed for battling depression, we are warriors and we should stand proud. 

By being open, honest, and optimistic about our diagnosis and treatment, we are helping to end the stigma. By admitting when we are struggling, reaching out for help when we need it, and accepting that not every day will be an easy one, we are helping to end the stigma. By educating ourselves and our loved ones about mental illness, we will end the stigma. 

What are some examples of ignorance that you've been faced with? What are some ways in which you may have contributed to the stigma? What can we do as victims of depression to #ENDTHESTIGMA today?

SMILES, 

SJ